


I'm Here

by Auggusst



Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [20]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugging, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Obadiah Stane Is The Worst, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Steve Rogers, Psychological Trauma, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23120752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auggusst/pseuds/Auggusst
Summary: Tony has been struggling with nightmares again, and he's trying his best to get over it. It's just so hard to stop thinking of the past. Steve is there to comfort him though, like he always is.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/468745
Comments: 18
Kudos: 121





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> Just something short and simple! Got some other stuff in the works, including a stand alone au type fic that I've been thinking of reading for a while... It won't be posted in this series, but will naturally be on this page <3
> 
> I do eventually wanna dive deeper into Tony talking about the events of IM1, but right now wasn't the right time for it. It's been a supremely rough two weeks, and it just has to wait until another time. When I do write it, expect plenty of warnings attached because I do have some thoughts and a penchant for angst lmao.

The unsteady sobs Tony let out against Steve’s shoulder were muffled, but that didn’t take away from their severity, or the empathetic pain that settled in the blond’s chest, deep and sharp. He tightened the grasp of his arms around the brunet, pressed a kiss to his disheveled curls. “It’s okay, you’re okay Tony,” he muttered, tone soft and calming.

It was the third time this week they’d been in this position. Tony’s nightmares had been gone for a long time, or at least, were infrequent, but lately, they’d returned in full force. It always started the same way: him stirring a little more than usual, some slight muttering, and a change in his breathing. Then the pace would quicken, and his hands would tighten around the blankets, and then the panic would set in. He’d be too far gone in his dream, couldn’t control himself. Sometimes he’d call Steve’s name, sometimes he’d plead for his life, or beg for forgiveness from people Steve had never met. It took the blond’s strong grasp, and a lot of coaxing for Tony to break out of his nightmares. Sometimes he even battled against Steve, until he was coherent enough to realize the arms around him were familiar, were safe, and that everything was okay, and then the hard part would come.

Steve wasn’t sure exactly what he dreamt about. Tony didn’t like to talk about it normally, and when he did, preferred not to go into specifics. But now, after two nights of interrupted sleep and a mini-heart attack to accompany each occasion, Steve desperately wanted to ask. He had his own nightmares to contend with, which were thankfully few and far between these days, excepting the occasional war dream if he stayed up too long, or after a particularly difficult mission, but he never had them in rapid succession, as Tony was struggling with now. The selfish part in him wanted the dreams over with simply to rest; it was naturally difficult to get back to sleep after hearing your partner scream and cry in their sleep, at their most vulnerable. He wanted that rest for Tony too, couldn’t stand to hear him so terrified anymore, couldn’t handle any more of his harrowing tears.

Tony’s hands were fisted in Steve’s shirt like a vice, and the blond could feel the moisture of his tears starting to soak through his shirt. It took a few minutes for him to calm down enough, but eventually Tony managed to speak. “I’m sorry,” the brunet said, voice shaky and hoarse. He exhaled in stuttering breaths, trying to stop his tears.

“Don’t apologize,” Steve replied, rubbing his back in slow circles. “You’re alright now.”

“I….I just…” Tony started, exhaled slowly. His grip lightened, but the fear in his bones was just replaced by misery. It seemed to drag him down physically. “I can’t stop thinking about it. Or, my subconscious can’t, apparently.”

The soldier pulled back a little, brought a hand up to wipe the tears from Tony’s cheeks. His skin was hot, and the bags under his eyes stood in stark contrast to his skin. “Thinking about what?” he asked softly.

The brunet bit his lip, torn between coming out with it or staying silent. He’d already started to talk about it though, so he had to continue. “Obadiah,” he said, voice quiet. Even speaking the name made nausea settle in his stomach, and he grimaced, far too many unpleasant memories coming to mind.

“Oh…” Steve replied. He’d heard the story before, knew the depths of the betrayal. He had heard how the villainous business man practically groomed Tony, took advantage of him, body and mind, and when Tony’s usefulness ran out, tried to kill him. He’d heard about the years of lies, of plotting, and of the damage Obadiah not only caused to Tony, but to the world, with his underhanded weapons trades. Steve was almost sad that the man was already dead, because the thought of crushing a hand around his windpipe was more than appealing. No one had taken advantage of Tony, of his vulnerability, so much as Obadiah Stane. Steve didn’t doubt that the memory of everything that had happened was enough to haunt Tony for the rest of his life. It would be enough to haunt anyone.

Tony had enough bad memories to make a three-part film series, which had no compunctions about playing out at night. What’s worse was when the memories were altered, or combined, or somehow managed to become even darker in his dreams, a product of his anxiety and stress. He’d been dealing with that the last few days, feeling trapped and afraid in his dreams, reliving the worst parts over and over. His traitorous body was kind enough to supply his senses too, so that every burst of pain was just as sharp, as all consuming as he remembered. He’d heard of people having their senses in dreams before, but doubted it was this bad. At least, not all the time.

The scientist took another breath, wiped away the tears Steve had missed. “Yeah,” he said miserably.

“I’m so sorry,” the blond replied. “The things he did to you…I can’t even imagine what it was like.”

Tony sighed, rested against his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I just…every time I think I’m over it, the memories just come flooding back. I’m so sick of it. _So_ sick of it.” He brought a hand up, pressed it against his own chest, covered his chest scars with his palm. He remembered what it was like, having the reactor ripped out of his chest while he lay paralyzed, with a man he once trusted, once considered family, sneering down at him. He remembered the cold joy in Obadiah’s eyes, the greed and hatred laced in his voice when he left Tony to die. He could never forget it, could never seem to outrun it. Scars were supposed to fade with time. Tony’s seemed to just get more stronger with it.

“I know the feeling,” Steve said, nodding a little. Too often had he relived crashing into the Atlantic, or the smell of corpses and gunpowder, or Bucky’s scream as he fell off the train. Too many times the look in Bucky’s eyes moments before Steve, battered and bruised, plummeted into the Potomac from the Insight Helicarrier replayed in his brain, in his sleep. It seemed they were both cursed.

“I’m sorry I woke you up again,” Tony muttered. He rubbed at his eyes, tried to prevent any more tears from slipping out. “I’m sorry it’s so bad right now. I just… I don’t know.”

“Hey, don’t worry,” the soldier replied, shaking his head. He pressed a kiss to Tony’s forehead. “You can’t control it.”

“I wish I could,” Tony admitted. “I wish I knew how.”

Steve wished that too. It would make things so much easier. He wished he could stop his own nightmares too. He was silent a moment, trying to find the right words. “Well until you figure it out,” he settled on, “I’ll be right here.”

“I just…it still hurts. I don’t know if I’ll ever be over it.”

Steve rubbed his back, looked into his partner’s soft brown eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked softly.

Tony hesitated, turned his eyes down to the bed. “Yes... No. I don’t know,” he sighed. “I just wanna forget about it.”

“I get that,” the blond replied. “You don’t have to talk about it unless you want to,” he said. The soldier managed a little smile, hoping it would satisfy Tony. He certainly understood wanting to avoid certain topics. There were quite a few of them that the two tended to brush over, except on rare occasions. Those conversations would last for hours, and each would come out the other end feeling changed as a person. It was too late (or early, Steve supposed, glancing at the clock on the nightstand that said it was a little past 4am) for something like that, and if the way the brunet’s body was slumped against him gave any indication, Tony thought the same.

The scientist nodded at his words, felt warmth spread in his chest, dislodge some of the pain he’d been feeling since waking. He loved that Steve could settle him so easily, that he was willing to stick it out on nights like this. The blond’s compassion was endless, and Tony was thankful to have even a small part of it. It was a little overwhelming now, when his emotions were running so high, and he fought off a lump in his throat. “Kiss me?” he muttered, leaning up.

Steve didn’t hesitate to lay a warm hand on his neck, the other wrapped around his waist, and press their lips together. He kissed Tony softly, deeply. The warmth and stability Steve’s hold offered made Tony pliant, replaced his anxiety with dream-like comfort, and he sighed a little into the kiss, let the blond support him.

Steve loved how easily Tony melted against him, how much he trusted him to keep the pieces together. He liked that Tony could rely on him, and he could rely on the scientist in return. Steve kissed him until the tension bled out of the brunet’s shoulders, and he seemed somewhat at ease again.

“Thank you,” Tony muttered against his neck.

“No need to thank me,” Steve replied, resting his head on Tony’s.

“Well I already did, so just accept it,” the brunet ordered.

The soldier rolled his eyes, but pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s hair. “Fine,” he conceded. He was too tired to argue about it. Steve stifled a yawn. “Let’s lay down again?”

Tony hesitated a moment, afraid that he’d just dive straight back into a nightmare, but he didn’t want to disturb Steve’s rest any longer. He had plenty of practice denying his own body sleep, but had tried to break that habit. At his core, Tony was tired, and there was no way around it.

“Okay,” he said, pulling back so Steve could get comfortable.

The blond laid down, shifted a little until he was satisfied, and held open his arms.

The brunet paused, and leaned over the bed to turn the lamp off. The dark made him a little nervous now, but he pushed it down. Tony gratefully slipped between Steve’s arms, finding them easily despite the lack of light, and pulled the blanket around them. In Steve’s grasp like this, it was easy to forget his problems, if only for a moment. He often marveled at the comfort that Steve brought him, the way he made him feel, when they had such a rocky introduction. But life was funny like that. You never knew what it would bring, _who_ it would bring. He couldn’t imagine being without Steve anymore.

Likewise, Steve couldn’t imagine being without _him_. Tony, despite their issues in days past, and the occasional argument, always made his day, always made him feel sure that he was where he was supposed to be. It was nice, having that feeling. It made him feel better about who he was, and what he did each day. It was okay if he lost sleep occasionally because of something like this.

Steve was still thinking it over when he noticed the change in Tony’s breathing, how the hand wrapped around his abdomen slackened. He’d fallen asleep rather quickly, despite everything. Maybe the ordeal had just succeeded in exhausting him further. Steve tightened his grip around his partner’s warm body, grateful that he was sleeping soundly once more.

Thankfully, the rest of the night passed uninterrupted.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please leave your thoughts in a comment! <3


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